Dream For Fools

 Aku orang emosional banget. Gimana sih emosional maksudnya? Hmmm kayak i can feel everything too much. Like too much excited, too much happy, and so much sad, sor too much angry. Yes... everything just lil to much. Like a kids. I remember i'm not a person like that. I remember when i can not even angry when something bad happen, not affraid of anything, nothing bothers me. Like a stone my friends said, i dont have feeling. If somebody upset or do something unfairly, i always think so big, like i understand their reason so its just not effect me anything. I can easily said "maybe she/he angry with me but i dont, so... But i dont know thats me back then and me know is more like...I'm sorry i just couldn't. If i'm too much for you its ok if you go, and so do the opposite, if i consider people are so much for me and bring me more bad than good, i better keep my distance a little bit, or much. I dont know, depend. But yeah thats what happens now, i remebered today ther...

Somebody asked me. Its hard. No wonder kalo dulu waktu kecil kita liat orang dewasa susah banget senyum. Well sekarang kita yang udah dewasa, terus tau. Ooohhhhh... pantes, GROWN UP SUCKS! Well... Meybe not. this is just temporary.  Before i move forward to the wonderful positife bright future that i want. I want to describe this moment. Now i'm 28 yo. Just get married. i dont know but i hope it is a blessing. My beloved dad just passed away after that. And quit my job. Now im unemployed young married woman. Maybe some of you think, well at least you get married lucky you. As i mention before i hope so, i'm lucky because of that.  I'm not here to just complaining my all feeling... or maybe i am. I know and i believe everyone have their own problem. and we should be grateful. i am into that idea too. just i will explain my felling and situation right now since i've got no one to talk to now.  I used to have some of friend to talk to. But i dont know. Maybe this is just w...

       Aku lagi ditengah-tengah nulis jurnal, biasanya dimulai dari nulis hal-hal yang aku syukuri, dari yang simple banget, kayak thanks God for today, you wake me up. Thanknyou for the weather, and going along sampai ke orang tua, keinget kenapa aku sering nulis ternyata aku keinget bapak aku, dia suka nyisihkan waktunya buat baca dan nulis apa yang ia dapet di jurnalnya. Aku inget aku sering banget duduk sama dia, buat ngajak diskusi, tanya hal-hal yang ganggu pikiran aku. Kayak "pak kayak mana sih kita bisa tau orang itu baik atau enggak?" kan sekarang banyak kejadian kayak misalnya, orang itu rajin banget ke mesjid, solat lima waktu. Tapi misal kita gak tau ternyata dibelakang dia gimana. Misal dirumah dia gak baik sama istri anaknya, terus dia kikir, dan lain sebagainya. Itu gimana pak?" Terus bapak aku bilang "Nak orang baik atau enggak itu bukan diliat dari solatnya aja. Tapi diliat dari prilaku dia kesesamanya, baik gak dia sama orang disekitarnya". Te...

 Sometime life hit you so hard, knock you down, you feel that life getting so much heavier, even you cannot carrie your self, so you decided to laying down for a while, crying, sobbing. Look around..whose there to help. All you can see is all the things on top of you, feels getting further away from your reach. Again you looking around, cause making a sound feels so much tiring, take more energy, what if they cannot help me anyway, people have their own problem, maybe they struggle to get up too, you said to yourself.  Then you close your eyes. See within yourself, somehow.. deep down you know you can get up. You know you can get trhough this. You just need to comeback to yourself. Find the strenght inside, that will move you,  you know you are bigger then whatever it is in front of you. Believe that whatever life trhow at you, is happend for you, to make you who you are, to make you better then who you use to. 

When we get older some people we knew grew older than us   Some of them leave us behind  You know age has nothing to do with everything  Some of them just leave  Left us with a lot to learn  From grief, guilt and a bunch of feeling that we cannot understand  So we just go on wishing that we can live better  Knowing everything change  But we know that a part of us went with them  or… i dont know maybe a part of them stay with us  Still life should continue  So again we wish for the better  We pray..sent our love to them and  wish some love stay in us  To everyone whose lately left by somebody we love, there is nothing we can do more than to live better  Be better  For all the one who live  And the one who left.

Love is such a word. Full with so much meaning. different meaning from defferent people. but everyone want it, need it, different shape and form. different way of showing it, different way to get it. But we all want it, and we need it.  I use to said, if you love it, chase it, fight for it, keep it, prevent it from everything that have a chance to break it, to affraid to lose it. Because having it is such a blessing, afraid that maybe there will be no the next one, is to hard. so im gonna keep it.  Not knowing, that maybe our love change the meaning it self. To... save me, heal me, complete me. So whats wrong with that. that too is love. Yes it is, just different form. So what form that we need, i dont know, everyone have their own. I might say, love is..set me free, support me, care for me, grow with me. You might say, stay with me, love me, be with me, till we grow old and only death will set us apart. Well... i just learned that, there is no bigger love that a parents have ...